Listening for Needs: Wisdom of Nonviolent Communication
Nonviolent communication is the most impactful language of communication I have personally encountered. It is sometimes jokingly referred to as the “Martian” because it is so different from the deep seated, habitual fight, flight or freeze reaction patterns most of us are familiar with.
Even after attending four courses with Seed of Peace, on NVC foundation, transforming conflict, empathy and transforming anger, I probably only remember to practice NVC 10% of the time, and only succeed 1% of the time. In the heat of the moment, I have a lot of fight energy.
The good news is I can always reflect with “NVC replays”. I go back to the person and revisit the situation utilizing the classic NVC four steps: observation, feelings, needs and requests. It always deepens the connection, and moves the situation forward in constructive ways. I also go deeper into self-empathy. Acknowledging my own feelings and clarifying my own needs always brings about new perspectives, which in turn moves the relationship towards more connection, more empathy, more compassion.
NVC is like a new operating system for how we communicate. It is a wealth of wisdom. Two nuggets of wisdom that have been transformative for me are grounded in needs and deep listening.
