A Different Point in Time and Space
China Trip Series #1
Yes, the flight will be long, but with my trusty neck pillow, I’ll forget about it once I land. Yes, jet lag will be tough, but I’ve packed sleep aids to (hopefully) help me rest at night — and the adventures waiting during the day will keep me energized. I’m truly excited to return to China, eager to explore new sceneries of life across different scales of time and space, after seven years away from my home country.
Last night, while making final preparations for the trip, a calm wisdom whispered within: “Life is beautiful if you accept every moment as it is.” This voice gave me a panoramic glimpse of life’s joyful and difficult moments alike. Strangely, that insight brought a deep sense of relaxation. Yes, there will be challenges, just as there will be joy — and all I need is to be present for whatever arises.
If the trip itself is half as interesting as the journey of preparing for it, it will be worth every moment. Over the past month and a half, life threw a whirlwind my way. I lived through Hurricane Helene, the most powerful storm South Carolina had seen in a century, and dealt with the aftermath — cleaning up, losing power and internet, and finding new rhythms amid disruption. I navigated transitions at work and processed the loss of a dear friend. And there was that praying mantis resting quietly on my mailbox one early September morning. Was it a sign of something?
The Inner Journey: Unfinished Business
While preparing for this trip, the inner work has been far more intense. My ego stirred up all sorts of unresolved emotions, clouding my vision with dust. As Byron Katie puts it, “The ego offers up unfinished business. What amazing grace!” I’m grateful for the support of my coaching circles, who helped me embrace these inner struggles as invitations to healing.
This China trip is an opportunity to reconnect with parts of myself I left behind in China. When I moved to the U.S. in search of a new beginning, I buried many pieces of my younger self. Distance gave me the psychological safety to heal deeply, and it also gave me the courage to return now and meet the parts of me that still need care.
I’ve been dreaming vividly — memories resurfacing, sometimes offering creative solutions to old challenges or words I wish I’d spoken long ago. A recurring theme in these dreams is the feeling of being unseen, unheard, and unappreciated. When did I first feel this way? The answer came quickly: forever. Recognizing this opened my heart with compassion for the little Gemma who carried these feelings for so long. Visiting familiar places and people will be a way to gently hug that younger version of me — and perhaps update the stories I’ve told myself along the way.
Reuniting with Old Friends — and Myself
I’m especially excited to reconnect with middle school and high school friends. These are people who bore witness to parts of me I’ve long avoided. For years, I felt undeserving of meeting them because I hadn’t accomplished what I thought I should. That shame kept me from attending school reunions — middle school, high school, even college. But now I realize: People are to love, not compare. In letting go of judgment toward my friends, I’ve also released judgment toward myself. I’ve created inner space to embrace who I am, just as I am.
I’ll also meet people with whom I’ve had difficult relationships, like the house mother from the orphanage and my uncles. I’m determined to show up differently this time — not as someone who feels like an outsider but as someone who belongs exactly as she is, without needing anyone’s validation. This thought alone fills me with comfort and courage — a gentle wave to them and a hug to myself.
Of course, I’ll also be reuniting with people I love deeply, like my aunts and sister. In fact, the primary reason for this trip is to celebrate my sister’s birthday and meet my six-year-old nephew for the first time. The last time I was in China was seven years ago — for my sister’s wedding. This time, I’m excited to reconnect with her not just as a sister, but as someone who can hold the space to help her heal and grow.
“Sister Above Self”: The Mission
My motto for this trip is “sister above self,” inspired by the Rotary Club’s motto, “service above self.” My sister has been going through significant challenges — navigating a divorce and supporting her son through school struggles. I see a beautiful opening in her heart to revisit her own inner child, and I feel compelled to seize this moment to nurture something meaningful.
In my healing journey from the trauma of losing our parents, I’ve never thought about my pain without also thinking of hers. A vivid memory haunts me: at our mother’s funeral, I was only eight, holding my one-and-a-half-year-old sister in my arms as adults shuffled in and out of our rural home. It was drizzling that early spring day, and all I cared about was keeping my sister dry and warm.
Our experiences of losing our parents were different, but they bound us in ways that go beyond ordinary sibling relationships. There was never room for sibling rivalry between us — we were too busy fending for ourselves. I’ve always felt a deep responsibility to protect her and be there for her in ways no one else could. After all, I am the only person left who witnessed her birth — and welcomed her into this world with the fierce love of a six-year-old who demanded, “It better be a girl!”
This trip isn’t about playing the hero to save my sister; instead, I see us walking together in mutual empowerment. She is the creator of her own life, and I am here as a coach and a challenger — to help her explore new capacities and discover fresh aspirations.
Wisdom for the Journey
I know there will be challenges along the way. After all, we haven’t lived together for nearly 20 years — since I left for college. I wonder: How will we get along now? What kind of healing does she need, and what role can I play in supporting her journey?
As I ponder these questions, I find comfort in this poem by Master Hongyi, a Buddhist sage:
“Life is but a game, a journey of experience.
Schooling is merely one experience,
Work is merely one experience,
Marriage is merely one experience.
Heartbreak, unemployment, failure, confusion —
All these too are just experiences.
Illness can be accepted,
Living can be accepted,
Failure can be accepted,
Confusion can be accepted.
There is nothing that cannot be accepted.
All things are but moments along life’s path —
Let them unfold as they will.
We must embrace the impermanence of the world,
Allow regrets to exist,
Welcome the occasional stumble,
Accept that not everyone will like us.
When we make room for all that life brings,
We will discover the truest freedom of being.”
This philosophy will guide my journey. Each moment offers an opportunity for growth, acceptance, and new beginnings.
I invite you to follow along as I continue sharing reflections from this adventure in a different time and space in the upcoming posts. Let’s see what unfolds together.
Stay tuned for more updates from my China trip!
